so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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