the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
