dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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