Dignity is for republicans.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
