i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
