Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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