I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
A bitchslap is in order.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
