my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
