tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
