its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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