My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I touched a dick in church today
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
