Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
