My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
