My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
