You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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