I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Im part way to drunk.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
