my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
