Do you still have your period?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
