I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
don't judge my taste in strippers
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
