And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
