I'm eating all of the evidence.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
