I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
