Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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