We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
