somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
