He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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