I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i think i have two assholes
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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