maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize