i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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