I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
