Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
