shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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