Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
