She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize