i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
