Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
