Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
that's an acceptable place to lick
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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