atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
