True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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