Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
