tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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