I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
