You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
