He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
