You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
All the doctor said was why
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
