i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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