Soap is not a condiment
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
