Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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