what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
