I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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