i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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