I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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