He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
