I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She bit a glass in half.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
