I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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