Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do vagina's smell?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
