Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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