thus making me awesome and them whores
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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