We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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